Start Treating Yourself Like Your Own Best Friend
What if the problem isn't that you're thinking too much... but that you're giving too much of your precious attention to the wrong things?
Your brain is exposed to an enormous amount of information every second.
One commonly cited estimate suggests the brain receives around 11 million bits of sensory information per second, while our conscious processing capacity is often estimated at only around 50 bits per second.
These are estimates, not a precise measurement of everything the brain can process.
But the perspective they offer is fascinating:
Your brain cannot consciously pay attention to everything.
It has to filter.
It has to prioritize.
It has to decide what makes it into your awareness.
So perhaps one of the most important questions isn't:
“How do I stop thinking so much?”
Perhaps it's:
“Where am I directing the attention I have?”
Because your attention is precious.
And what you repeatedly give your attention to can begin to shape how you experience your day - and influence how your body responds along the way.
Your thoughts don't just live in your head
Here's where this gets even more interesting.
Your mind and body are constantly communicating.
When you perceive something as threatening - whether that threat is physical or emotional - your stress response can activate. Cortisol is one of the hormones involved in that response.
Cortisol isn't the enemy.
In the right amount, it helps you respond to challenges, mobilize energy and regulate important functions in the body.
The problem is prolonged or repeated stress activation.
When your system is continually receiving the message:
“We're under threat.”
It can become harder for your body to return to its natural state of regulation.
And sometimes the threat isn't happening around you.
It's happening in the story your mind keeps replaying.
The argument.
The email.
The look someone gave you.
The conversation you're imagining having tomorrow.
The mistake you can't stop revisiting.
Your body responds to your perception of what's happening, which is why learning to interrupt a thought spiral isn't simply about “thinking positive.”
It's about giving your nervous system opportunities to experience something different.
What if you became your own best friend?
Imagine taking the same mind and giving it a different message.
Instead of:
“I'm screwed.”
Try:
“Okay. Take a breath. Let's figure this out.”
Instead of:
“Everyone is against me.”
Try:
“I don't actually know that. Let's stay with what I know.”
Instead of:
“I can't handle this.”
-----> Try:
“This is difficult, but I can take this one step at a time.”
Instead of criticizing yourself for how you handled something:
“What can I learn from this, and how can I support myself now?”
These thoughts don't magically make every problem disappear.
But they can change the way you relate to the problem.
And then you can take another step:
Give your body something supportive to experience.
You may have heard dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins casually referred to as your “happy hormones.” They're actually a mix of neurotransmitters and hormones with different jobs throughout the brain and body.
But they are useful reminders that our biology responds to things like movement, connection, accomplishment, pleasure, laughter and meaningful experiences.
So why not intentionally give yourself more of those moments?
Give your brain and body something better to work with
This is where being your own best friend becomes more than just changing your inner dialogue.
You can also intentionally create little moments throughout your day that support your wellbeing.
You've probably heard dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins casually called the “happy hormones.” Technically, they aren't all hormones, and each has different functions in the brain and body.
But they can be a helpful reminder that your everyday experiences - movement, connection, relaxation, pleasure and positive experiences - interact with your biology.
Think of this as your best-friend toolbox:
Dopamine - motivation, reward and learning
Try:
Meditation
Foods rich in L-tyrosine
Exercise, such as a brisk walk in nature
Creating something - art, music, writing, cooking, building or anything that brings you into the process of making
Sometimes your best friend doesn't need to give you a motivational speech.
They just need to say:
“Look what you just created. Look what you accomplished.”
Oxytocin - connection and bonding
Try:
Getting a massage
Listening to music you love
A cold shower
Meditation
Spending meaningful time with people you care about
Sometimes your nervous system doesn't need another answer.
It needs an experience that helps you reconnect with yourself, your body or the world around you.
Serotonin - mood, sleep and many other body functions
Try:
Exercise
A cold shower
Getting outside into natural sunlight
A massage
Sometimes the simplest reset is changing your physical environment.
Step outside.
Feel the sunlight.
Move your body.
Let your senses experience something other than the thought you've been stuck inside.
Endorphins - the body's natural pain-relief system
Try:
Genuine laughter
Allowing yourself to cry when you need to
Eating a little dark chocolate
Stretching
Moving your body in a way that feels good
And remember:
You are allowed to feel good.
You don't have to earn every moment of joy.
You don't have to wait until everything in your life is perfect before you allow yourself to laugh, breathe, create, connect or enjoy something.
These small moments matter.
They give your brain and body a different experience to work with.
Remember: You are the thinker, not the thought
And this brings us back to where we started.
You are constantly receiving information.
Your brain is filtering it.
Your mind is creating thoughts about it.
And you get to decide what deserves your attention.
A thought is not automatically a fact.
It is not automatically an instruction.
And it does not automatically deserve your energy.
You are the thinker, not the thought.
You are the one who can notice it.
You are the one who can question it.
You are the one who can choose.
So when a thought appears, pause.
Take a breath.
Become the observer.
And ask yourself:
“Is this for my highest good?”
Then:
Listen with your heart and an open mind.
"Choose your happy hormone adventure"
