Fear Pretends to Be Protection

Brittany Khandoker
May 3
3 min read

The Fear Loop: How to Break the Cycle and Reclaim Your Power

There’s a moment - a sacred flicker - when you realize:

“I’m exhausted from surviving. I want to start living.”

That moment isn’t weakness. It’s your intuition rising above the noise. But right behind that awakening… comes fear. Loud. Familiar. Persuasive.

It tells you:

“Now isn’t the time.”

“You’re not ready.”

“What if it gets worse?”

This is the Fear Loop. A self-reinforcing cycle of mental, emotional, and physical paralysis that keeps you stuck in places you’ve long outgrown - especially toxic workplaces where confusion is weaponized and your sanity is slowly negotiated away.

But here’s the truth: you are not trapped. You are patterned. And patterns can be rewritten.

What Is the Fear Loop?

Imagine fear like a well-worn groove in your nervous system. The more it’s activated, the deeper it runs:

Trigger → Emotional Reaction → Negative Thought → Self-Doubt → Inaction → Regret → More Fear.

If you’ve been working in a toxic culture - Dr. Clive Boddy and Daniel Goleman have long warned about: when emotional intelligence is weaponized against us, we begin to internalize fear as truth.

But fear is not truth.

Fear is a loop.

And every loop can be broken - especially when you understand how you learn and change.

The Learning Archetypes: Your Personalized Exit Strategy

Not everyone learns - or heals - the same way. Understanding your learning archetype helps you approach change in a way that sticks.

Here are four common learning archetypes and how each one can break the fear loop:

1. The Analytical Thinker

You crave logic, clarity, and evidence before you move.

Fear Loop Trap: Overthinking → Paralysis

Disrupt the Loop:

Journal the patterns. Name what’s happening without judgment.
Create a pros/cons matrix to evaluate your options.
Seek out well-researched content (like Barbara Oakley’s work on cognitive learning) to understand your nervous system.
Try cognitive reappraisal: “What’s another way to interpret this situation?”

2. The Empathic Feeler

You process through emotion, connection, and intuition.

Fear Loop Trap: Absorbing others’ emotions → Guilt → Self-silencing

Disrupt the Loop:

Practice emotional boundaries: “That’s their reaction, not my responsibility.”
Use somatic practices - gentle breathwork, tapping, movement - to clear emotional residue.
Visualize handing back the energy that doesn’t belong to you.
Let intuition lead: What would love do here?

3. The Experiential Doer

You learn by trying, failing, and iterating.

Fear Loop Trap: Perfectionism → Avoidance of risk

Disrupt the Loop:

Break the pattern with micro-bravery: send the email, ask the question, speak the truth - even if your voice shakes.
Keep a “Courage Log” of small acts that proved you could trust yourself.
Reflect on what worked, not just what went wrong.
Channel Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence skills - especially self-regulation - to pause before reacting.

4. The Reflective Seeker

You crave deep meaning and purpose in your growth.

Fear Loop Trap: Existential spirals → Feeling overwhelmed

Disrupt the Loop:

Anchor to a “why” that transcends fear: What’s the cost of staying the same?
Write future letters to yourself from a healed place.
Study psychological frameworks (like Michael Maccoby’s work on purposeful leadership) to understand the soul’s role in change.
Practice intentional stillness - listen more than you speak.

Remember: You Hold the Remote

Fear wants to convince you that change is dangerous.That it will cost you too much.But staying stuck? That’s costing you daily - your joy, your sleep, your clarity, your health.

You can’t always change a toxic workplace overnight. But you can stop allowing it to rent space in your mind. You can choose one brave, aligned step at a time.

A New Loop: The Empowerment Cycle

Let’s create a better loop. One that moves you forward:

Trigger → Awareness → Reframing → Aligned Action → Confidence → Peace.

This isn’t about “feeling fearless.”It’s about making peace with fear - and choosing truth anyway.

You Were Always the One

The system may have gaslit you into thinking you don't have control, but you are the thinker - not the thoughts. Time to think bigger and take back the controls of your supercomputer.

And somewhere deep inside, you already know:

You are the only one who can choose to break this loop.

Not because you should have to.

But because you are ready.

And that, my friend, is the first real step toward peace.