The Ultimate Guide to Centering Yourself After a Toxic Interaction: Creating a Routine Based on Your Unique Representational System

We've all been there: you’ve just had an interaction that leaves your nerves on edge, your brain tangled in defensive thoughts, and that little voice saying you just need to talk to someone, to vent, to have someone validate your confusion and assure you that, yes, you’re not the crazy one here. But before you lose a whole day to this new stress and maybe lean on unhealthy coping habits which help temporarily but hurt in the long run, there’s one powerful option: centering yourself and taking control of your mind.

Toxic interactions trigger a surge of cortisol - the stress hormone - sending your brain into a fight-or-flight response. Cortisol impacts focus, clouding your ability to think clearly, make decisions, or return to work with a constructive mindset. This happens because cortisol activates parts of the brain associated with threat detection, which shifts focus away from creative or analytical tasks. But while it feels difficult to move past this state, it is possible with the right tools.

Instead of letting that negative interaction cling to you, let’s take a different approach. Grab a journal, spill out those chaotic thoughts, and reclaim your energy. With this centering process, you’ll be able to shift away from toxic energy and refocus on your priorities.

Building Your Unique Re-Centering Routine

Our brains process experiences through different “representational systems” - essentially, the ways we interpret the world. These systems fall into three categories: auditory (sound and language), visual (sight and imagery), and kinesthetic (touch and sensation). Some people blend these and may be “audio-digital” - processing through a mix of internal dialogue and structured thought.

Once you identify your primary representational system (and there are online quizzes if you’re unsure), it’s time to craft a centering routine that aligns with how you naturally perceive and reset. Here are strategies for each type to help you shake off that toxic cortisol and reclaim your mental clarity.

For the Kinesthetic Person

If you’re kinesthetic, physical sensations and movement are grounding forces. When someone’s negativity leaves you unsettled, reconnecting with your body can help release tension and bring you back to center.

1. Move Your Body: Take five minutes for jumping jacks, a brisk walk, or even dancing. Physical activity burns off cortisol and releases endorphins, which naturally improve mood and bring focus.

   
   

2. Engage with Your Senses: Grab a stress ball, knead some clay, or use a weighted blanket for grounding. These sensory activities channel tension and provide calm.

   
   

3. Take a Nature Walk: If you can step outside, let the sounds, sights, and scents of nature refresh you. The physical movement and outdoor environment help disengage your brain from the toxic energy.

   
   

4. Stretch and Breathe Deeply: Stretching activates a relaxation response, signaling to your body and brain that it’s safe to let go of the stress. Deep breathing also helps lower cortisol, creating space for a clear and refreshed mind.

For the Visual Person

Visual individuals often find grounding in color, imagery, and beautiful surroundings. When you feel mentally scrambled after a tough interaction, calming your mind with visual strategies can help.

1. Look at Something Inspiring: Keep a folder of favorite images or photos—places you’ve visited, art you love, or calming visuals. A few moments immersed in these images can shift your focus and lift your mood.

   
   

2. Use Color Therapy: Surround yourself with calming or energizing colors. Greens and blues tend to relax, while yellows and oranges can boost energy. Try changing your screen wallpaper or adding a colored object to your workspace.

   
   

3. Declutter Your Space: Spend a few minutes organizing your desk or clearing clutter. A visually ordered space can reduce cortisol by creating a sense of peace and mental clarity.

   
   

4. Practice Visualization: Close your eyes and imagine a calm, safe place—like a beach or forest. Visualize it in detail, and let this peaceful image take over the space that negative thoughts were occupying.

For the Auditory Person

For auditory types, grounding comes through sound and language. Using positive or calming sounds can reset your mental state, easing away negativity.

1. Listen to Uplifting Music: Put on a song that energizes or soothes you. Music can help recalibrate your mood and shift your mental focus.

   
   

2. Self-Talk: Verbalize positive affirmations out loud or quietly to yourself. Hearing positive words can help counterbalance the negative, reaffirming your ability to refocus and release the toxic interaction.

   
   

3. Nature Sounds or White Noise: Choose calming sounds like waves, rain, or forest ambiance. These can mentally “wash away” lingering stress and create a buffer from negative thoughts.

   
   

4. Call a Trusted Friend, Coach or Mentor: Talking to someone who can help you recalibrate without further amplifying the drama can be validating and empowering. Their calm tone can help you focus on a constructive mindset.

For the Audio-Digital Person

If you’re audio-digital, you likely find clarity through language, logical patterns, and structured thought. For you, a centering process that engages logical thinking and reframing will help.

1. Journal and Reframe: Write out your thoughts and review them. Often, seeing them objectively allows you to identify distortions and reframe them in a more balanced way. “This is their issue, not mine. I am capable and in control.”

   
   

2. Create a Task List: Sometimes, shifting focus is about actionable steps. Get specific with tasks that bring you back into a productive mindset. Crossing off small tasks can give you an immediate sense of control.

   
   

3. Listen to a Motivational Podcast: Choose a podcast that aligns with your values. Absorbing positive language and logic-based content can help refocus your mind on what matters most to you.

   
   

4. Practice Controlled Breathing: Structured breathing (like the 4-4-4 pattern: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4) provides both mental clarity and calm, keeping cortisol levels in check and helping you feel grounded.

Designing Your Unique Bounce-Back System

There’s no universal fix for reclaiming calm after a toxic encounter. Experiment with different techniques to find what resonates best. The goal is not only to clear your mind but to build a routine that strengthens your control over your focus. By choosing a routine that aligns with your representational system, you can shed toxic energy faster and stay rooted in your own mental clarity.

Next time someone tries to leave their negativity behind, you’ll have a go-to system to protect your peace and preserve your energy. Because ultimately, no one - no matter how toxic - should have the power to live rent-free in your mind.