The Cost of Resilience: Why We Endure What We Wouldn’t Tolerate for a Loved One

Resilience is often celebrated as a hallmark of human strength. We admire stories of individuals who’ve persevered through unimaginable circumstances, pushing through adversity with grit and determination. Yet, it’s curious to reflect on how much we, as individuals, tolerate in our own lives that we would never accept for a loved one. If your child or close friend described being in a toxic situation that drained their energy and harmed their health, you would likely intervene immediately, advocating for their well-being. So, why do we so often fail to extend the same care and urgency to ourselves?

The Silent Toll of Tolerance

Humans are remarkably adaptable, which is both our greatest strength and a hidden vulnerability. This adaptability allows us to endure challenging environments, toxic relationships, or overwhelming workloads far longer than is healthy. At first, our resilience feels like a badge of honor - proof of our strength and commitment. But over time, chronic stress begins to exact a physical and emotional toll.

Research in the fields of psychology and medicine confirms this. Chronic exposure to stress can lead to conditions such as high blood pressure, digestive issues, and compromised immunity. Emotional symptoms like anxiety, depression, and burnout often follow. Despite these warning signs, many people press on, rationalizing their suffering as temporary or justifiable. But the human body is not designed to function under prolonged stress without consequences.

Why Do We Endure?

There are several reasons we tolerate situations that harm us:

1. Normalization of Struggle: Over time, toxic situations can start to feel normal. You might tell yourself, “This is just how work/life is,” dismissing your discomfort as a standard part of adulthood.

2. Fear of Change: Leaving a toxic environment or relationship often involves significant risk. Fear of financial insecurity, judgment, or uncertainty can keep us stuck in harmful situations.

3. Self-Sacrifice: Many of us are conditioned to prioritize others’ needs over our own. In workplaces, for example, the pressure to be a team player or meet expectations can lead to chronic self-neglect.

4. The Myth of Invincibility: Resilient individuals often believe they can handle anything. But resilience isn’t about enduring endless suffering; it’s about recovering and thriving despite challenges.

The "Would You Let This Happen to Your Child?" Test

If you’re unsure whether your situation is harming you, ask yourself this: Would I want my child, partner, or closest friend to endure this? If the answer is a resounding “no,” it’s time to reevaluate your choices. Imagine if your child came to you, describing a work environment that devalued them or a relationship that eroded their self-esteem. You’d likely advocate fiercely for their health and happiness. That same advocacy should apply to you.

Health Is Not Optional

The adage, Make time for your health, or you’ll be forced to make time for your illness, is a stark but accurate reminder. Health is not something we can take for granted while focusing on other priorities. When we neglect our mental and physical health, the repercussions are inevitable. Burnout, chronic illness, or mental health crises force us to slow down—often at the worst possible times.

To prioritize your health:

• Set Boundaries: Identify the limits of what you can tolerate, whether at work or in personal relationships. Communicate those boundaries clearly.

  
  

• Schedule Rest and Recovery: Rest is not a luxury; it’s essential. Dedicate time for sleep, hobbies, and moments of joy.

  
  

• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for help. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you recognize toxic patterns.

  
  

• Invest in Self-Care: Regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and mindfulness practices can help mitigate the effects of stress and build resilience the right way.

A Call to Action

We are capable of extraordinary endurance, but endurance alone is not a sustainable strategy. True resilience means knowing when to walk away from what harms us and toward what nourishes us. Extend yourself the same grace and protection you would offer to your loved ones. By prioritizing your health now, you’re investing in a future where your strength is not just about survival, but about thriving in a life you deserve.

Don't forget to relax and take care of yourself.