Are They a Temporary or Certified Asshole? A Guide to Distinguishing Difficult Colleagues

In the workplace, we sometimes encounter people who seem abrasive or unkind, leading us to question if they’re simply having a rough day or if their behavior reveals something more permanent. We all have moments where stress affects our behavior, but for some, these traits are more than just temporary lapses.

This framework is particularly useful in workplaces, where some people display toxic behaviors only under stress, while others seem to make a habit of it. The key is determining whether you’re dealing with a “Temporary Asshole” or a “Certified Asshole,” as these categories can guide you in deciding how to interact, whether to address the behavior, or if it’s better to set boundaries and avoid direct contact.

Three Questions to Identify a Certified Asshole

Here are three key questions to ask yourself in assessing whether someone’s behavior is just a momentary lapse or part of a larger, persistent pattern:

1. Do They Consistently Make Others Feel Worse?

After interacting with this person, do you often feel diminished, dismissed, or uncomfortable? Temporary lapses in kindness are typically short-lived, with the person returning to a more balanced behavior once the stressor subsides. Certified Assholes, however, often make belittling others a habit, creating an environment where people feel undervalued or disrespected.

Example: If a colleague often interrupts you, dismisses your ideas, or makes belittling comments regularly, it’s a sign of a larger issue. Everyone has an off day, but if this behavior is ongoing, you’re likely dealing with someone with a deeper, less changeable pattern.

2. Do They Target the “Less Powerful” Consistently?

A common trait of Certified Assholes is a tendency to treat people differently based on perceived status. They may be courteous to those they consider peers but treat others they deem “beneath” them disrespectfully. This hierarchical aggression is often a sign that this behavior isn’t temporary but a recurring method for them.

Example: Imagine a manager who treats senior staff with respect but snaps at junior team members or admin staff. They might brush off questions, assign menial tasks thoughtlessly, or make unnecessary demands. This behavior, especially if repeated, is a clue that you’re dealing with a Certified Asshole rather than a stressed-out leader.

3. Do They Apologize and Make Amends When Called Out?

When we act out of character, most of us try to repair the situation with an apology and effort to avoid future issues. However, those who habitually justify their behavior or deflect blame when called out are likely displaying deeply entrenched patterns. Certified Assholes rarely take responsibility and often escalate their reactions if confronted.

Example: If a colleague snaps at you and then avoids or blames you when you try to discuss it, they may be more than just temporarily stressed. In contrast, someone who’s acting out of character may respond to feedback with empathy and a willingness to improve.

Why Knowing the Difference Matters

Understanding the difference between a Temporary Asshole and a Certified Asshole can help you avoid frustration and manage your interactions with greater clarity. Temporary Assholes can often recognize their missteps and may be open to feedback, potentially leading to positive change. Certified Assholes, on the other hand, lack the empathy or self-awareness to alter their behavior significantly. Knowing this can save you time and emotional energy by setting realistic expectations or deciding to distance yourself as much as possible.

By recognizing these patterns early, you can preserve your mental health and avoid the emotional drain that comes from expecting change in those who simply won’t.